Sadness and happiness
I want to write about the wonderful weather, about the beautiful rose with a diameter of no less than 15 cm, about the blooming peonies, which I think are the most beautiful flowers it produces and about the beautiful antique toy shop that Stijn brought with him. Who, despite these bizarre times, does his best to conjure up some beautiful things for me here and there.
But then she sends me a message about a flea market issue. It is not the first time she has done this and this time my ability to cope is no longer sufficient. This time she hurt me and I feel used.
I feel the tears burning after reading her message and suddenly that enormous rose no longer matters and the peonies seem very ordinary. It also seems less sunny for a moment. It is still early in the morning and I will soon put all the new flea and antique products online. But with less enthusiasm than usual.
I try to pull myself together, but the event keeps haunting my mind and it seems to have a power over me, it gives me that well-known unpleasant gut feeling. I want to put it aside, after all, it's just a business matter. Yet it goes so much further and deeper than that…
And for the umpteenth time it turns out that if trust is your basis and you rely on it, it makes you very vulnerable. Maybe I'm too naive and I should be more businesslike and less emotional. But how do I do that? How can I still work with passion if I have to detach myself from feelings? Sometimes I apparently have to bump my head to be able to continue fresh.
In the meantime, we've talked about it and the air has cleared. But my confidence still took a hit.
And no, I won't let her burst. I don't think life works like that. She remains welcome. I cherish my contacts and sometimes that includes a painful experience.
And now the sun is shining again. I measure the diameter of the enormous rose and yes, it is really even bigger than I estimated, 19 cm! She smells of the past and reminds me of times long past. I enjoy the beautiful toy shop full of little things for a while and secretly I played with it for a while.
Today would have been my mother-in-law's birthday. How she would have enjoyed this wonderful day and because she can no longer enjoy the garden, I brought her a little garden happiness.
But then she sends me a message about a flea market issue. It is not the first time she has done this and this time my ability to cope is no longer sufficient. This time she hurt me and I feel used.
I feel the tears burning after reading her message and suddenly that enormous rose no longer matters and the peonies seem very ordinary. It also seems less sunny for a moment. It is still early in the morning and I will soon put all the new flea and antique products online. But with less enthusiasm than usual.
I try to pull myself together, but the event keeps haunting my mind and it seems to have a power over me, it gives me that well-known unpleasant gut feeling. I want to put it aside, after all, it's just a business matter. Yet it goes so much further and deeper than that…
And for the umpteenth time it turns out that if trust is your basis and you rely on it, it makes you very vulnerable. Maybe I'm too naive and I should be more businesslike and less emotional. But how do I do that? How can I still work with passion if I have to detach myself from feelings? Sometimes I apparently have to bump my head to be able to continue fresh.
In the meantime, we've talked about it and the air has cleared. But my confidence still took a hit.
And no, I won't let her burst. I don't think life works like that. She remains welcome. I cherish my contacts and sometimes that includes a painful experience.
And now the sun is shining again. I measure the diameter of the enormous rose and yes, it is really even bigger than I estimated, 19 cm! She smells of the past and reminds me of times long past. I enjoy the beautiful toy shop full of little things for a while and secretly I played with it for a while.
Today would have been my mother-in-law's birthday. How she would have enjoyed this wonderful day and because she can no longer enjoy the garden, I brought her a little garden happiness.